Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time
August 26, 2018
John 6:60-69
“Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life (Jn. 6:67).”
In our today’s Gospel, Simon Peter and other disciples are facing a major crossroad: whether they will believe in Jesus’ words and they need to consume Jesus’ flesh and blood as to gain eternal life, or they will consider Jesus as insane and leave Him. They are dealing with hard and even outrageously unbelievable truth, and the easiest way is to leave Jesus. Yet, amidst doubt and lack of understanding, Peter’s faith prevails, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life (Jn. 6:67).” It is faith that triumphs over the greatest doubt, a faith that we need also.
I am ending my clinical pastoral education at one of the busiest hospitals in Metro Manila. It has been a truly faith-enriching and heart-warming experience. I am blessed and privileged to minister to many patients in this hospital. One of the most memorable and perhaps faith-challenging encounter is with Christian [not his real name].
When I visited the pediatric ward, I saw a little boy, around six years old, lying on the bed. He was covered by a thin blanket and seemed in pain. Then I talked to the watcher who happened to his mother, Christina [not her real name]. She told me that the dialysis did not go well and he had a little fever. As the conversation went on, I discovered that Christian was not that young. He was actually 16 years old. I did not believe my eyes, but the mother explained that it was because his kidneys shrank to the point of disappearing, and because of this terrible condition, his growth stopped, and his body also shrank. Christian has undergone dialysis for several years, and due to recurrent infections, the hospital has been his second home. Christina herself lost his husband when he died several years ago, and stopped working to take care of Christian. The older sister of Christian had to stop schooling and worked to support the family.
Looking at Christian, and listening to Christina, I was hurt, and I was almost shedding tears. Despite my long theological formation, I cannot but question God. “Why do You allow this kind of terrible suffering to an innocent little man? Why do you allow his life and future be robbed by this illness?” My faith was shaken. Then, I was asking Christina how she was able to deal with the situation. She shared that it was really difficult, but she has accepted the condition, and she continues to struggle to the end because she loved Christian. I was also asking her what made her strong, and I cannot forget her answer. She said that she was strong when she saw little Christian’s smiles, and she felt his simple happiness.
Right there and then, through Christina, I felt God has answered my questions and doubts. It is true that terrible things happen, but God never leaves us. He was there in Christian’s simple smiles. He was there in little acts of love from Christina for her son. It is true that life is full of incomprehensible sufferings and heart-breaking moments, like the loss of loved ones, the broken relationships, the health and financial problems, and perhaps the recent revelation of sexual abuses done by many Catholic priests in the US. These can trigger our anger and disappointment towards God. We shall remain angry, confused and lost if we focus on the painful reality, but God is inviting us to see Him in simple and ordinary things that bring us comfort, strength, and joy. If Jesus calls us to have faith the size of mustard seed, it is because this kind of faith empowers us to recognize God in simple and ordinary things of our lives.
Br. Valentinus Bayuhadi Ruseno, OP